Therapy after controlling and narcissistic relationships
If you spent years managing someone else’s image, rage, or need, your system may still be organized around not making it worse. You may know this as narcissistic abuse or emotional abuse. I use the words that fit for you.
Yvette Brown, Marriage and Family Therapist Trainee at Attune Center for Healing, in Redding and by secure video across California. Supervised by Christina Whitney, LMFT #111050.
What the aftermath can look like
- You second-guess yourself and over-explain, even when no one is asking.
- You scan faces and tones of voice for what kind of day it is going to be.
- You feel guilty for having a preference.
- You have trouble trusting your own memory and perception.
- Your body still startles, freezes, or goes quiet, even when you know you are safe.
- You feel shame now that you have finally named what happened.
None of this means something is wrong with you. It is what those relationships trained your nervous system to do.
What this work is, and what it is not
This page is for the aftereffects on you. I do not diagnose a partner, parent, or ex I have never met, and I do not use the consult to label them.
This work is
- Working with what those relationships trained you to do: fawn, freeze, self-abandon, and then call it kindness.
- Restoring choice, at a pace that does not recreate the old pressure.
- Making room for the parts of you that want to leave and the parts that are afraid to.
This work is not
- Telling you whether to stay or go. That decision stays yours.
- Diagnosing the other person. We treat the impact on you.
- A substitute for legal advice, a restraining order, or emergency services.
If your relationship is not safe right now
If you are in an actively dangerous relationship, we start with a safety plan and appropriate resources before any deeper processing.
If someone monitors your phone or computer, this page may not be safe to view on that device. Consider using a device they cannot access.
If you are in immediate danger, call 911. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available at 800-799-7233 (TTY 800-787-3224) or at thehotline.org. If you are in crisis, call or text 988.
How I work with this
Sessions are paced and collaborative. You will never be pushed to tell more than you are ready to tell.
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Parts work (IFS)
The parts that kept you safe in that house or that marriage often refuse to retire. We get to know them with respect, so they no longer have to do it alone.
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Brainspotting
Useful when the body still startles at a tone of voice, and understanding it has not made it stop.
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Talk therapy
Ordinary conversation keeps the story honest, so you are not gaslighting yourself in the name of being fair.
Why people come
- Leaving, staying, or co-parenting after a high-control relationship
- Family-of-origin patterns that trained you to disappear
- Shame after you finally named what happened
- Difficulty trusting your own memory and perception
- Wanting faith-informed language without spiritual bypass
Faith, without spiritual bypass
Faith in Christ is welcome in the room if you want it there, and it is never required. It will not be used to rush forgiveness or to skip the work. If faith is not part of your life, we will not bring it in.
Ready to talk, or just curious?
A free 15-minute consult lets you tell me a little about what you are carrying and hear how I work. There is no pressure to book afterward. I see clients in person in Redding and by secure video anywhere in California.
Questions people ask
Will you tell me to leave?
No. I will help you hear the parts that want to leave and the parts that are afraid to, without taking the decision from you.
Do I need a diagnosis for the other person?
No. We treat the impact on you.
What if I am still in the relationship?
You are welcome to come whether you are staying, leaving, co-parenting, or not sure yet. If the relationship is unsafe, we start with a safety plan.
Can this be combined with trauma work?
Yes. For many people this is trauma work.
Can we meet by video from anywhere in California?
Yes, as long as you are physically in California at the time of your session. I also see people in person at Attune Center for Healing in Redding.
Keep exploring
Want to understand my approach first? Read the free guide to IFS and Brainspotting, or start with the journal post When being needed stops being safety.