A free guide
When Midlife Meets the Old Memory
A plain-language guide to parts work (IFS), Brainspotting, and talk therapy, and what they can do for a woman who is tired of holding it all.
Yvette Brown, Marriage and Family Therapist Trainee at Attune Center for Healing. Supervised by Christina Whitney, LMFT #111050.
In danger or thinking of harming yourself? Skip this guide. Call 911, or call or text 988.
Is this guide for you?
You may have spent years being the capable one. The one everyone counts on. Now something in you is tired of holding the whole story alone. Maybe you’ve caught yourself saying:
- “I used to be able to handle everything.”
- “I take care of everyone else, but I don’t know how to take care of myself.”
- “I know what I should do, but I can’t make myself do it.”
- “I don’t recognize myself anymore.”
This guide may also help if you are carrying:
- Burnout from years of over-functioning, caregiving, or people-pleasing
- Unprocessed trauma, complex trauma, or PTSD
- Grief that never got room
- The aftereffects of a controlling or narcissistic relationship
- Chronic illness, or family patterns that made you grow up too soon
What if the parts of you that you hate aren’t proof that something is wrong with you? They may be evidence of how hard you’ve worked to survive.
Why “just stop” doesn’t work
Most of us have tried to fix ourselves by trying harder. Stop people-pleasing. Stop overworking. Stop snapping. It rarely lasts, because the behavior is protecting something underneath. Real change usually happens in three steps:
Safety first
Simple tools that help your body and mind feel steady, so the work never feels like too much.
Get to know your parts
Getting curious about the parts of you that are struggling, instead of fighting them.
Heal what’s underneath
Deeper trauma work, so the old wound driving the pattern can finally rest.
Internal Family Systems (IFS)
Internal Family Systems, or IFS, was developed by Richard Schwartz. It starts with a simple idea: your mind is not one single voice.
You probably already know some of your inner voices. There may be an inner critic, a part that shuts down, a part that keeps everyone comfortable, or a younger place that still holds old pain.
IFS calls these parts. Parts are not a diagnosis, and they are not “multiple personalities.” Think of them as a map of the ways you learned to survive.
Three things you may recognize
Protectors
Try to keep pain from flooding you. Examples: overworking, people-pleasing, numbness, control, or a harsh inner critic.
Exiles
Hold the hurt, shame, fear, or grief that your protectors have been managing, often for a very long time.
Self
The calm, steady center in you that can get curious instead of fighting yourself. It’s not a personality makeover. It’s meeting your inner life with more calm and compassion.
The goal is not to get rid of parts. It’s to understand what they’ve been protecting, so they can rest when they no longer have to do it alone.
One small step you can try today
Notice a part
Next time a strong feeling shows up, try changing one sentence.
- Instead of “I am so anxious,” say: “A part of me is anxious.”
- Take one slow breath and notice where you feel it in your body.
- Ask that part, gently: “What are you worried would happen if you stopped?”
You don’t have to fix anything. Just noticing gives you a little room to breathe. If this brings up more than you can handle, stop and do something grounding, like feeling your feet on the floor.
Brainspotting
Brainspotting was developed by David Grand. It’s a focused, body-based way to work with experiences that talking alone often can’t reach.
The idea is that where you look can connect to how your body is holding an experience.
How it works
We find a spot in your field of vision, called a “brainspot,” that links to a feeling in your body. That might be tightness, heat, a lump in the throat, or a sudden quiet. You stay with that spot while I help you notice what comes up.
Nothing is forced. You don’t have to tell the whole story or have a big emotional release.
People often use it for
- Medical trauma and accidents
- Relationship shock or betrayal
- Grief
- Years of bracing that never had words
You stay in control. Brainspotting is not hypnosis, and you are not put into a trance. You stay present, and you can stop, slow down, or close your eyes at any time.
What a session can look like
IFS gives you language and a kinder relationship with your inner parts. Brainspotting gives your body a focused way to release what those parts have been holding. Here’s how they can fit together:
We talk first
We start with conversation and your consent. You set the pace.
We listen to protectors
If a protective part is loud, we hear it first. We don’t push past it.
We add the body when it’s safe
Once there’s enough safety, we may use a brainspot to help your body finish what talking has only circled.
We come back to the room
We close by settling back into the present, so you leave steadier, not flooded.
Not every session uses both. Some are all conversation. Some are quieter and more body-focused. The method serves you, not the other way around.
Working with me
I work with women carrying burnout, trauma, PTSD, grief, and the aftereffects of narcissistic or controlling relationships. You don’t need to arrive with a polished story.
Who I am
Yvette Brown, Marriage and Family Therapist Trainee at Attune Center for Healing. Supervised by Christina Whitney, LMFT #111050.
Where
In person in Redding, CA, or by secure video for anyone in California.
Cost and insurance
Attune Center for Healing accepts Aetna, Health Net, L.A. Care, Magellan, UnitedHealthcare, Partnership, and Medi-Cal.
Attune Center for Healing’s self-pay rate is $100 per session.
Confirm coverage with your insurance plan for therapy with a Marriage and Family Therapist Trainee prior to service.
Faith
Faith is welcome, but not required.
Your first step: a free 15-minute consult
Hear how I work and decide if the fit feels right. There is no pressure to begin therapy afterward.
When this guide isn’t enough
If you are in immediate danger, call 911. If you are thinking of harming yourself, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. In Shasta County, the 24-hour mental health line is (530) 225-5252 or (888) 385-5201.
If a crisis comes up during a session, we stop the method and focus on your safety first.
This is education, not therapy. It’s not medical advice, and it doesn’t create a therapist-client relationship. IFS is associated with the work of Richard C. Schwartz. Brainspotting is associated with the work of David Grand.
© 2026 Yvette Brown