# Therapy after controlling and narcissistic relationships

> Yvette Brown, Marriage and Family Therapist Trainee at Attune Center for Healing in Redding, CA. Supervised by Christina Whitney, LMFT #111050. Free 15-minute consult: (530) 444-1522 or https://spruce.care/theancientwell

Original page: https://theancientwell.com/therapy-after-controlling-and-narcissistic-relationships/

If you spent years managing someone else's moods, image, or anger, your body and mind may still be set up to keep the peace at any cost. You may call it narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse, or something you don't have a name for yet.

### Does any of this sound familiar?

- "I second-guess myself and over-explain, even when no one is asking."
- "I watch faces and tones of voice to figure out what kind of day it's going to be."
- "I feel guilty for even having a preference."
- "I don't trust my own memory anymore."
- "My body still startles or shuts down, even though I know I'm safe."
- "Now that I've finally named what happened, I feel ashamed."

### What this work is, and what it isn't

This work is about the impact on you. It is not diagnosing a partner, parent, or ex, and it is not telling you whether to stay or go. That decision stays yours. It is also not a replacement for legal advice, a restraining order, or emergency services.

### If your relationship isn't safe right now

If you are in a dangerous relationship, we start with a safety plan and the right resources before any deeper work. If someone checks your phone or computer, consider using a device they can't access. National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 (TTY 800-787-3224), https://www.thehotline.org/.

### Why women come to see me

- Leaving, staying, or co-parenting after a controlling relationship
- Family patterns that taught you to disappear
- Shame after finally naming what happened
- Trouble trusting your own memory and judgment
- Burnout from years of keeping everyone else calm

### Questions people ask

**Will you tell me to leave?** No. I'll help you hear the parts of you that want to leave and the parts that are afraid to, without taking the decision from you.

**Does the other person need a diagnosis?** No. We focus on the impact on you.

**What if I'm still in the relationship?** You're welcome whether you're staying, leaving, co-parenting, or not sure yet.

---

In person at Attune Center for Healing, 2395 Bechelli Ln., Ste. B, Redding, CA 96002, or by secure video anywhere in California. This page is education, not therapy. If you are in crisis, call or text 988. In immediate danger, call 911.